Life, or Something

Making a list is good for some people like me who can easily spend an hour in a chair in the living room staring at the unlit fireplace thinking about what might transpire in the future, and what life is really all about. Some people need to write things down to make them happen. If you don't know what you want out of life then how will you get it?

Deciding what you want and then going for it sounds so much easier than it is though. There are a few things that I would like, but I have to make them more concrete. It is helpful to be specific. Two summers ago, just after I had finished university, I remember I was all dreamy and floating on my back in a swimming pool late one night, looking up at the stars, thinking that everything would just coalesce as time unfolded before me.

That’s just not how life works though. Only sometimes will the door of opportunity be opened for you and a hand held out to guide you through. Most of the time you’ve got to break the goddamn wall down on your own just to get to the other side. And the crazy thing is, you’ve got to know what it is that’s on the other side before you start hammering away so that you have a reason to want to break the wall down in the first place. Otherwise you’ll just be sitting alone in a dark room that everyone else has left with stale cake and confetti lying around. Pretty sad.

I still can't juggle. But I'm still trying because, for now, it's something to do.